Lately I've realized that we've been concentrating very hard on the academic side of education. That's great. But I do want to include a few more practical living skills. So, what we are going to do is this: teach each child (besides the baby) to cook two meals, and each week they will do that until they have mastered those two. Then they get two more.
Sunny the Teenage Wonder is already quite a capable cook, but would like to expand her skills. We'll be having chicken a l'orange for a few weeks, it looks like. Ivanhoe, my knight in shining armor is eight and will do well with pigs in a blanket.
I think it will be fun. And give me a few nights off dinner duty! If I can ever figure out how to put pictures on here then I'll post some.
In addition to that Sunny will be honing her photography skills. I'm not sure what to have Ivanhoe do besides swordfight constantly, maybe drawing lessons from our Draw Squad book.
Wish me luck!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
All the Moms Will Understand
Sometimes, in this hectic life, a little humor is necessary. So, here is a day in my life. I found this old joke, and it seemed quite appropriate.
How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.
But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE RUBBISH!!
IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF RUBBISH THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...
I'm sorry... what did you ask me?
Friday, November 6, 2009
The Real World Meets the Chicken Coop
How many of you were threatened with physical harm by one of your co-workers today? Ladies, were any of you threatened with assault by one of the men you work with? Did anyone touch you inappropriately as you walked past? Of course not you say? Well then, what about laugh at you because you've gained some weight in the past few years and call you hurtful names in front of everyone? Or if you are a man, were you mocked today because you aren't as tall, muscled or manly as some of the other men you work with? No? You're probably thinking about how such things just don't usually happen in your world. About how uncommon that would be. About how if there were not a good and quick way to stop such intimidation, you'd be looking for a new job very quickly.
Well then, why do we send our children to places where this behavior is common? In the adult world, most of us do not look for terrible labels to put upon others, then publicly taunt them day after day. But children do. Everyone has heard the phrase "children can be so cruel." Yes they can. More cruelty happens than we as adults would be willing to put up with. Yet many send their young and vulnerable children, these who they love so much and would give their very lives for, into this gauntlet every day to "be salt and light." Children are very impressionable. Tell them who they are enough and that is who and what they become. Fat girl. Hoe. Wimp. Stupid. Scum bag. Are we sending those who we should be protecting out into a situation we ourselves would not be willing to face, day after day, year after year?
So many times we tell ourselves that things are not this way at our childrens school, they have a great teacher. I have worked in the classroom environment, and all of my readers have gone to school in one. The teacher is just one person. Please, don't place such an unrealistic expectation on her. She can not monitor every communication that goes on among 20-30 students. Surely you remember? This woman can not possibly be expected to assume responsibility for what goes on when she is trying to teach, on the playground, in the bathrooms, and that whispered word in the hall.
Maybe your child is not one of the ones labeled so harshly. I am so happy for you. But are they one of the ones who is intimidating others? Please, don't just quickly say "of course not, we are a Christian family. We teach him better." What children do to learn to survive in a community of under-supervised and often unkind peers would surprise you. If nothing else, they are learning to stifle who they really are so they will not be picked on. The wonderful person your child came into this world as is submerged under this "groupthink", this pack mentality. So he can survive.
If you have ever owned chickens, then you have a great example of a group of children with the pack mentality. There are usually a few dominant chickens. They get the best places to sleep in the roost, they get the best places to peck for seeds and bugs. The other chickens know when they see them coming to scoot over or be pecked. And God have mercy on the poor chicken who gets an open wound. The others will mercilessly and viciously peck him until he is dead.
Poor wounded kid, whose ears stick out too much. Poor little girl, who weighs a lot. Poor pecked boy who just does not fit in somehow, and is ridiculed day after day. I'm so sorry your momma thinks you should "learn to deal with it, we all have to deal with it sometime." ANATHEMA!! Your parents are not spit on in the hall every day while the others snicker. And all the time they are rationalizing your agony...peck...peck....peck....you're hurting, why are they doing this to you....."what's wrong with me?....I'm such a loser"....peck....peck...."why does it have to be this way, Mom can't I please stay home from school?"...peck....peck. Then you wonder why they turn to drugs and alcohol, sex, cutting, binging and purging, and isolate themselves in their rooms or on the computer as soon as they're old enough. Why don't they communicate with you any more? YOU PUT THEM IN THIS POSITION. You let this happen! They've learned to deal with it on their own the best they can with a parent who believes that their child should have to deal with things they themselves do not.
And if your young person is on the other side, congratulations. You have either raised a dominant chicken or they've put their trust and efforts somewhere other than in the loving heart of their parent. You may still have a great relationship by the grace of God. I'm happy for you. But she has still seen and learned day after day a lesson not true in the "real world." Fit in or be ridiculed. Walk to the beat of someone else's drum.
I know how much you love your child. I am not saying that anyone is deliberately out to hurt their precious son or daughter. I have perhaps spoken harshly in this post. It's nothing against you, reader. I simply felt the need to speak very candidly. I want children to be placed above our race for the status quo. All I ask is that we remove our rose colored glasses long enough to stare into the possibly harsh light of the truth. And though its glare sometimes blinds, I think our beloved young people will be better off for our efforts to see.
Well then, why do we send our children to places where this behavior is common? In the adult world, most of us do not look for terrible labels to put upon others, then publicly taunt them day after day. But children do. Everyone has heard the phrase "children can be so cruel." Yes they can. More cruelty happens than we as adults would be willing to put up with. Yet many send their young and vulnerable children, these who they love so much and would give their very lives for, into this gauntlet every day to "be salt and light." Children are very impressionable. Tell them who they are enough and that is who and what they become. Fat girl. Hoe. Wimp. Stupid. Scum bag. Are we sending those who we should be protecting out into a situation we ourselves would not be willing to face, day after day, year after year?
So many times we tell ourselves that things are not this way at our childrens school, they have a great teacher. I have worked in the classroom environment, and all of my readers have gone to school in one. The teacher is just one person. Please, don't place such an unrealistic expectation on her. She can not monitor every communication that goes on among 20-30 students. Surely you remember? This woman can not possibly be expected to assume responsibility for what goes on when she is trying to teach, on the playground, in the bathrooms, and that whispered word in the hall.
Maybe your child is not one of the ones labeled so harshly. I am so happy for you. But are they one of the ones who is intimidating others? Please, don't just quickly say "of course not, we are a Christian family. We teach him better." What children do to learn to survive in a community of under-supervised and often unkind peers would surprise you. If nothing else, they are learning to stifle who they really are so they will not be picked on. The wonderful person your child came into this world as is submerged under this "groupthink", this pack mentality. So he can survive.
If you have ever owned chickens, then you have a great example of a group of children with the pack mentality. There are usually a few dominant chickens. They get the best places to sleep in the roost, they get the best places to peck for seeds and bugs. The other chickens know when they see them coming to scoot over or be pecked. And God have mercy on the poor chicken who gets an open wound. The others will mercilessly and viciously peck him until he is dead.
Poor wounded kid, whose ears stick out too much. Poor little girl, who weighs a lot. Poor pecked boy who just does not fit in somehow, and is ridiculed day after day. I'm so sorry your momma thinks you should "learn to deal with it, we all have to deal with it sometime." ANATHEMA!! Your parents are not spit on in the hall every day while the others snicker. And all the time they are rationalizing your agony...peck...peck....peck....you're hurting, why are they doing this to you....."what's wrong with me?....I'm such a loser"....peck....peck...."why does it have to be this way, Mom can't I please stay home from school?"...peck....peck. Then you wonder why they turn to drugs and alcohol, sex, cutting, binging and purging, and isolate themselves in their rooms or on the computer as soon as they're old enough. Why don't they communicate with you any more? YOU PUT THEM IN THIS POSITION. You let this happen! They've learned to deal with it on their own the best they can with a parent who believes that their child should have to deal with things they themselves do not.
And if your young person is on the other side, congratulations. You have either raised a dominant chicken or they've put their trust and efforts somewhere other than in the loving heart of their parent. You may still have a great relationship by the grace of God. I'm happy for you. But she has still seen and learned day after day a lesson not true in the "real world." Fit in or be ridiculed. Walk to the beat of someone else's drum.
I know how much you love your child. I am not saying that anyone is deliberately out to hurt their precious son or daughter. I have perhaps spoken harshly in this post. It's nothing against you, reader. I simply felt the need to speak very candidly. I want children to be placed above our race for the status quo. All I ask is that we remove our rose colored glasses long enough to stare into the possibly harsh light of the truth. And though its glare sometimes blinds, I think our beloved young people will be better off for our efforts to see.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Holy Nation vs. Royal Priesthood
A Holy Nation. A Royal Priesthood. Which one do you choose when it comes to educating your children? I have heard people say that they choose to send their child to public school in order to minister to the lost children. To be salt and light. Listen mom or dad, I don't mean to be rude, but you need to wise up about the pressures your kids face and what is really going on in that school building, in the back of that bus, and in the girl's bathroom. Do you honestly remember anyone in there praying together or was it mostly girls in there talking about guys, and vice versa?
God called the children of Israel an holy nation. And a royal priesthood. A holy nation implies a separation. Holy means separate. You do not walk in the way of sinners, or even put your foot on their path. A royal priesthood would seem to be a contradiction to this. A priest would be going to minister to those who are lost, and therefore would be spending time with the lost. I think there is an order here though. The two concepts work together.
Let me ask you something. We need to be honest here. Are you really and truly sending your child out into the government run schools in order to preach the gospel? Or is that just a holy sounding cop out? If you are just going with the flow of the culture, and don't even want to bother to think deeply about your actions in this area, then don't bother reading further. If you are truly motivated by the love of God for lost children, and it's not a cop out, please consider the following.
You must be a holy nation before you can be a royal priesthood. You must have something to give before giving. The peer saturated, culture driven world of the schools is not a place where your child is going to become filled with the fear of the Lord, which is the beginning of wisdom. They will become dependent on the good opinion of their age mates. Even if your child is a strong believer in Jesus, he is still a child and at a very formative time in his life. What he is around eight hours a day is going to influence him more than the time he spends at home or in church.
God has given the responsibility to you. You and no one else will stand before God, parent, and answer for what is done with this child. Did you choose to sacrifice him on the altar of convenience? Did you choose the path of least resistance because none of your friends do it any differently? Or will you choose
to search and pray for God's will? Think of the fruit you want to end up with? A young adult who is not afraid to be different. To share the gospel in a hostile environment. Then help him grow into a holy nation, then send him out as part of the royal priesthood. Do not send him to wander aimlessly through the halls of a corrupt institution and hope for the best. Disciple him, at home, day in and day out. Homeschooled children learn to evangelize right along with their parents in real life. A holy nation that is made up of a royal priesthood.
God called the children of Israel an holy nation. And a royal priesthood. A holy nation implies a separation. Holy means separate. You do not walk in the way of sinners, or even put your foot on their path. A royal priesthood would seem to be a contradiction to this. A priest would be going to minister to those who are lost, and therefore would be spending time with the lost. I think there is an order here though. The two concepts work together.
Let me ask you something. We need to be honest here. Are you really and truly sending your child out into the government run schools in order to preach the gospel? Or is that just a holy sounding cop out? If you are just going with the flow of the culture, and don't even want to bother to think deeply about your actions in this area, then don't bother reading further. If you are truly motivated by the love of God for lost children, and it's not a cop out, please consider the following.
You must be a holy nation before you can be a royal priesthood. You must have something to give before giving. The peer saturated, culture driven world of the schools is not a place where your child is going to become filled with the fear of the Lord, which is the beginning of wisdom. They will become dependent on the good opinion of their age mates. Even if your child is a strong believer in Jesus, he is still a child and at a very formative time in his life. What he is around eight hours a day is going to influence him more than the time he spends at home or in church.
God has given the responsibility to you. You and no one else will stand before God, parent, and answer for what is done with this child. Did you choose to sacrifice him on the altar of convenience? Did you choose the path of least resistance because none of your friends do it any differently? Or will you choose
to search and pray for God's will? Think of the fruit you want to end up with? A young adult who is not afraid to be different. To share the gospel in a hostile environment. Then help him grow into a holy nation, then send him out as part of the royal priesthood. Do not send him to wander aimlessly through the halls of a corrupt institution and hope for the best. Disciple him, at home, day in and day out. Homeschooled children learn to evangelize right along with their parents in real life. A holy nation that is made up of a royal priesthood.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
How Can the Bird That Is Born For Joy Sit in a Cage and Sing?
This poem makes me think about why my children are not in school. They need a joy, a thirst for learning. This is something that more often than not, standardized education kills. Let your little birds out of the cage, Mama. They were not born for it.
The Schoolboy by William Blake
I love to rise in a summer morn,When the birds sing on every tree;
The distant huntsman winds his horn,
And the skylark sings with me:
O what sweet company!
But to go to school in a summer morn,-
O it drives all joy away!
Under the cruel eye outworn,
The little ones spend the day
In sighing and dismay.
Ah then at times I drooping sit,
And spend many an anxious hour;
Nor in my book can I take delight,
Nor sit in learning's bower,
Worn through with the dreary shower.
How can the bird that is born for joy
Sit in a cage and sing?
How can a child, when fears annoy,
But droop his tender wing,
And forget his youthful spring!
O father and mother if buds are nipped,
And blossoms blown away;
And if the tender plants are stripped
Of their joy in the springing day,
By sorrow and care's dismay,-
How shall the summer arise in joy,
Or the summer fruits appear?
Or how shall we gather what griefs destroy,
Or bless the mellowing year,
When the blasts of winter appear?
Is HE Prince Charming?
This is a post from my lovely teenage daughter. We'll call her Sunny because of her bright disposition. You'll be hearing from her from time to time. Here is her debut.
Through the sanctuary door walks in a boy. He has curly black hair, flashing blue eyes, and a gorgeous smile. He is holding his baby sister, that must mean he is a nice guy. All of a sudden you wondered why you didn't wear your new shirt instead of this old one, why you didn't spend more time fixing your hair. Then he glances at you and smiles. Your heart flutters, "He must like me" you think to yourself.
Later after church your arms are full of your siblings Sunday school papers and as you are about to open the door he smiles that adorable smile and gallantly opens it for you. "Oh my! He must like me, or he wouldn't have opened the door and smiled" you think on the way to the car.
And all day the next day as you read your new book about the young pioneer girl who is courting the handsome young man next door, you think about how much that new boy reminds you of the one in the book. The girl in the book met the boy at a barn dance and it was love at first sight. In fact the moment they laid eyes on each other they knew they were meant to be together. You think of how it will sound when you tell your grand kids you met their grandfather in the church sanctuary. Oh how romantic it sounds.
Now I don't think there is a girl who hasn't had a similar situation. It is very easy to make yourself believe that every gallant knight who smiles at you in Wal-Mart, or opens the door for you, or sits beside you in class must be "The One". We are so accustomed to the "love at first sight" myth that many times we misinterpret a simple act of kindness or friendliness for something more.
I have done it countless times, and probably ruined what could have been wonderful friendships. So how do we break that habit?
There are many things that contribute to awakening that feeling but one thing that really affects many girls are the romance novels that are so popular to read. Now you may say " I don't read any bad romance novels, in fact they are ALL christian".
Yeah, those christian courtship novels can sometimes do the most damage to those of us who love to dream about the future and handsome knights. They portray a unrealistic idea of love. When the dashing admirer sweetly glances across the room at the lovely maiden and her heart flutters, or when he gently puts his coat around her shoulders on a cold winter evening, we girls are reminded of that every time we see a cute boy. We tend to imagine how wonderfully romantic it would be if he would do the same. And we seem to think that that is true love, when in reality it is just a superficial and passing feeling. Often times we also misinterpret acts of kindness, for romantic interest and then become heartbroken when we find out that the boy doesn't care for anything more than a friendship.
When I decided to read fewer romance novels, after a short time I began to think of guys differently. I didn't see them as potential husbands, instead I saw them as great people to be friends with.
I realized that just because he opened the door or smiled dazzlingly at me didn't mean he had a crush on me. I began being able to have real friendships with boys, something I had never done before because it had always been impossible for me to see them as anything but a future Prince Charming.
Now I am not saying you should never read books with romance in them because I know that some girls really might not struggle with romantic dreams the way many do, but I think it is worth careful consideration. When you are not fantasizing about a boy you are free to have wonderful and happy friendships that would be impossible to have otherwise.
Through the sanctuary door walks in a boy. He has curly black hair, flashing blue eyes, and a gorgeous smile. He is holding his baby sister, that must mean he is a nice guy. All of a sudden you wondered why you didn't wear your new shirt instead of this old one, why you didn't spend more time fixing your hair. Then he glances at you and smiles. Your heart flutters, "He must like me" you think to yourself.
Later after church your arms are full of your siblings Sunday school papers and as you are about to open the door he smiles that adorable smile and gallantly opens it for you. "Oh my! He must like me, or he wouldn't have opened the door and smiled" you think on the way to the car.
And all day the next day as you read your new book about the young pioneer girl who is courting the handsome young man next door, you think about how much that new boy reminds you of the one in the book. The girl in the book met the boy at a barn dance and it was love at first sight. In fact the moment they laid eyes on each other they knew they were meant to be together. You think of how it will sound when you tell your grand kids you met their grandfather in the church sanctuary. Oh how romantic it sounds.
Now I don't think there is a girl who hasn't had a similar situation. It is very easy to make yourself believe that every gallant knight who smiles at you in Wal-Mart, or opens the door for you, or sits beside you in class must be "The One". We are so accustomed to the "love at first sight" myth that many times we misinterpret a simple act of kindness or friendliness for something more.
I have done it countless times, and probably ruined what could have been wonderful friendships. So how do we break that habit?
There are many things that contribute to awakening that feeling but one thing that really affects many girls are the romance novels that are so popular to read. Now you may say " I don't read any bad romance novels, in fact they are ALL christian".
Yeah, those christian courtship novels can sometimes do the most damage to those of us who love to dream about the future and handsome knights. They portray a unrealistic idea of love. When the dashing admirer sweetly glances across the room at the lovely maiden and her heart flutters, or when he gently puts his coat around her shoulders on a cold winter evening, we girls are reminded of that every time we see a cute boy. We tend to imagine how wonderfully romantic it would be if he would do the same. And we seem to think that that is true love, when in reality it is just a superficial and passing feeling. Often times we also misinterpret acts of kindness, for romantic interest and then become heartbroken when we find out that the boy doesn't care for anything more than a friendship.
When I decided to read fewer romance novels, after a short time I began to think of guys differently. I didn't see them as potential husbands, instead I saw them as great people to be friends with.
I realized that just because he opened the door or smiled dazzlingly at me didn't mean he had a crush on me. I began being able to have real friendships with boys, something I had never done before because it had always been impossible for me to see them as anything but a future Prince Charming.
Now I am not saying you should never read books with romance in them because I know that some girls really might not struggle with romantic dreams the way many do, but I think it is worth careful consideration. When you are not fantasizing about a boy you are free to have wonderful and happy friendships that would be impossible to have otherwise.
Homeschooling Advice
So many new homeschool moms are running on empty. It can be extremely confusing and overwhelming to sift through all the advice, material, and teaching methods out there. Also, many veteran moms have gotten a case of burn out. So following are a few thoughts on homeschooling I have had over the eight years we've been doing it.
I have found that you cannot homeschool well until your children recognize your authority. If they don't yet obey cheerfully and quickly, and aren't helpful in chores and housework, nothing will go smoothly. You may get school done, but you may be stressed out with their uncooperative behavior and then the house is a wreck. Once they are trained to obey well and do their chores responsibly, life is much easier. I know this is easier said than done. Especially if they are coming out of a school situation and they believe that the teacher or their peers know more than you do. But time invested in this area will pay off.
Training in character and godliness is foundational to a smoothly running home/homeschool. When our children are motivated out of a love for God, and realize that they are part of a family team then the academic side will follow much more easily. I think that Bible reading and prayer time should be our priority each day. We have been given such a blessing from God in being able to be with and nurture our children. I don't want to waste this golden opportunity to fill their minds and hearts with His word. Yet this is often the first thing that slips away during a hectic day at our house! We just keep pressing on. I have never spoken with a mom of homeschool graduates who said "Gee, I wish we had worked harder on those quadratic equations"; what I hear is "I wish we had not let God take second or third priority in our lives", or "I'm so glad we were able to put Him first". We make it a point to eat breakfast together and read a chapter every morning, keeping it light and friendly.
We need to correct our default settings. We, myself included, seem to feel that as soon as we begin homeschooling, we are sort of an institution. Homes are not schools. Homes are formation centers for human beings. It has been well said "You are a mother, not a teacher, your husband is a father, not a principal." We homeschool the way we were schooled unless we make a conscious choice to do otherwise. Yes, many times workbooks and textbooks are appropriate. But I hear so many moms say,"I'm too busy being the teacher to be the mom I want to be." Then be the mom.
You taught your little ones the ABC's and how to ride a bike didn't you? Home learning is the norm, not the anomaly. Sending your child away to experts to learn inefficiently what you could have taught easily and naturally is the stranger thing to do. Education is best when it is in the context of a relationship. When our example Jesus wanted to educate his disciples did he sit them down in chairs with workbooks and lecture for eight hours a day? Or did he "speak of these commandments when you sit, when you walk along the road," etc. in the context of everyday life? Certainly you want to have some sort of structure to your day, and even have a work time. But you do not have to enslave your children to a program.
Be flexible. Always keep the needs (not whims) of your child's heart in the forefront of your mind. If you see that your little wiggly boy hates sitting at the table for two hours filling out workbook pages then by all means, go out and look for frogs or play swords with him! Break the seatwork up into 15 minute increments with playtime in between. Our goal here is to create a love for learning in our little people. Remember, education is not the filling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire. Do something fun each and every day! Cook together, work together, play together.
Think of the many ways it is possible to learn something. Talk to someone who is passionate about something. Try a new hobby. Watch a good documentary. Don't limit yourself!
One of the most influential decisions we have made is to really limit or get rid of the TV. Television has such a powerful hold on our culture and our mind and attention. Sometimes, if it is even an option each day, little minds and big ones to can get obsessed by it. Is it time to watch TV yet mom? Oh please, just this one show! What about after I finish this math? You don't want to be constantly having to decide, and be the bad guy. And there is so much time lost to the TV. What could you have been doing instead? Building a fort? Reading Treasure Island? Playing frisbee?
By setting strict guidelines on the TV, you force yourself and your youngsters to use your brain. So your two year old is having an awful day and you can't get school done with the 7th grader. If the TV is not an option you must find a relational way to solve the problem. Sit Junior at the table with some macaroni and string and have him "do school like big brother". I'm not saying that everyone should cease any and all TV viewing or that television itself is evil. But moms, if you are spending your time watching sit-coms or on the internet doing whatever, you need to consider the example you're setting, and the time not spent building a relationship.
Above all, make your family your best friends. Life is too precious for regrets. If you have your children's hearts, and they have yours, these things will fall into place. Respect them as people. Value them more than that phone conversation. Give them grace. Have fun, be joyful, and love Jesus together. That's what it's all about after all!
I have found that you cannot homeschool well until your children recognize your authority. If they don't yet obey cheerfully and quickly, and aren't helpful in chores and housework, nothing will go smoothly. You may get school done, but you may be stressed out with their uncooperative behavior and then the house is a wreck. Once they are trained to obey well and do their chores responsibly, life is much easier. I know this is easier said than done. Especially if they are coming out of a school situation and they believe that the teacher or their peers know more than you do. But time invested in this area will pay off.
Training in character and godliness is foundational to a smoothly running home/homeschool. When our children are motivated out of a love for God, and realize that they are part of a family team then the academic side will follow much more easily. I think that Bible reading and prayer time should be our priority each day. We have been given such a blessing from God in being able to be with and nurture our children. I don't want to waste this golden opportunity to fill their minds and hearts with His word. Yet this is often the first thing that slips away during a hectic day at our house! We just keep pressing on. I have never spoken with a mom of homeschool graduates who said "Gee, I wish we had worked harder on those quadratic equations"; what I hear is "I wish we had not let God take second or third priority in our lives", or "I'm so glad we were able to put Him first". We make it a point to eat breakfast together and read a chapter every morning, keeping it light and friendly.
We need to correct our default settings. We, myself included, seem to feel that as soon as we begin homeschooling, we are sort of an institution. Homes are not schools. Homes are formation centers for human beings. It has been well said "You are a mother, not a teacher, your husband is a father, not a principal." We homeschool the way we were schooled unless we make a conscious choice to do otherwise. Yes, many times workbooks and textbooks are appropriate. But I hear so many moms say,"I'm too busy being the teacher to be the mom I want to be." Then be the mom.
You taught your little ones the ABC's and how to ride a bike didn't you? Home learning is the norm, not the anomaly. Sending your child away to experts to learn inefficiently what you could have taught easily and naturally is the stranger thing to do. Education is best when it is in the context of a relationship. When our example Jesus wanted to educate his disciples did he sit them down in chairs with workbooks and lecture for eight hours a day? Or did he "speak of these commandments when you sit, when you walk along the road," etc. in the context of everyday life? Certainly you want to have some sort of structure to your day, and even have a work time. But you do not have to enslave your children to a program.
Be flexible. Always keep the needs (not whims) of your child's heart in the forefront of your mind. If you see that your little wiggly boy hates sitting at the table for two hours filling out workbook pages then by all means, go out and look for frogs or play swords with him! Break the seatwork up into 15 minute increments with playtime in between. Our goal here is to create a love for learning in our little people. Remember, education is not the filling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire. Do something fun each and every day! Cook together, work together, play together.
Think of the many ways it is possible to learn something. Talk to someone who is passionate about something. Try a new hobby. Watch a good documentary. Don't limit yourself!
One of the most influential decisions we have made is to really limit or get rid of the TV. Television has such a powerful hold on our culture and our mind and attention. Sometimes, if it is even an option each day, little minds and big ones to can get obsessed by it. Is it time to watch TV yet mom? Oh please, just this one show! What about after I finish this math? You don't want to be constantly having to decide, and be the bad guy. And there is so much time lost to the TV. What could you have been doing instead? Building a fort? Reading Treasure Island? Playing frisbee?
By setting strict guidelines on the TV, you force yourself and your youngsters to use your brain. So your two year old is having an awful day and you can't get school done with the 7th grader. If the TV is not an option you must find a relational way to solve the problem. Sit Junior at the table with some macaroni and string and have him "do school like big brother". I'm not saying that everyone should cease any and all TV viewing or that television itself is evil. But moms, if you are spending your time watching sit-coms or on the internet doing whatever, you need to consider the example you're setting, and the time not spent building a relationship.
Above all, make your family your best friends. Life is too precious for regrets. If you have your children's hearts, and they have yours, these things will fall into place. Respect them as people. Value them more than that phone conversation. Give them grace. Have fun, be joyful, and love Jesus together. That's what it's all about after all!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Protecting Children
I have heard the following idea many times and in many different varieties,"You can't protect your kids from everything, you have to let them get out there and sample a little of everything, or they'll rebel as soon as they can." Usually this is said by parents who are either telling me why I shouldn't homeschool my children or make certain rules. Sometimes it is said when someone has challenged something their child is doing such as watching certain TV shows, reading certain books, or dating, etc.
First, I want to say that the whole comment is based on a faulty premise: that I am trying to shield my children from any and every harsher element of the real world, and that I actually believe I can protect them from everything that I do not want in their lives. I have no intention or desire to keep them from ever having difficulties. I let them make mistakes.
However, I want you to think long and hard about this, my reader friend. Your children have no one but you to give them a nurturing upbringing. If you do not give them a place to be who they are and learn who God made them to be, no one else will.
Even the most hands-off parents will protect their kids from something. I know this because your children are not out playing on the freeway right now. You know that some mistakes are just too costly to let them make. You have a God given desire to shield your child from things that will harm him. Certainly there is a time and place for young people to experience the hardships of life. It just happens that there is also a time and place for parents to teach right and wrong in an environment that will allow the child to practice choosing right.
I have a hard time digesting the fact that some people actually believe the second part of the comment they parrot. You need to let your child sample some of everything? Or even various good and bad things? Really? Is this what God tells us to do? I think not. He tells us not even to put our foot on the path of evil, because he knows our sinful tendency to stray. He tells us that before us is a choice between good and bad and then tells us to choose good!
So are we supposed to invite Satanists to our home in order to "let our children know what's out there?" What about pedophiles? I know, I'm being facetious. But we have to take it to the extremes sometimes to cause ourselves to think. Are there elements which we allow into our children's lives that can harm them just as much as these things? Perhaps not outwardly, but what about inwardly? There is much to sample in this world. Whatever we are giving our child samples of will determine their appetite. If you raise your children on candy and sodas, they will not normally choose to eat raw spinach. Rear them on horror movies, and that is what they will like. Give them the latest shallow pop CD, and they will absorb its words and rhythm into their hearts. Rent the latest God mocking movie filled with "adult themes", and you will have a young porn addict on your hands before you know it.
Parents, there is an alternative. More on that at the end.
The last part of this tired phrase really seems ironic to me. The people who believe in sampling everything often accuse more protective parents of living in fear. As in "you don't let your kids do this or that because you're afraid of....", fill in the blank.
However, listen to what is being said here. If you raise them in such a way that they don't get to follow certain inclinations they may have, then "they will rebel". Is the God we serve too demanding? No, he is not. He has high standards, but gives us grace in order that through His love we may accomplish what He has set before us. Is it not fear which is prompting the fear of possible future rebellion? God in His wisdom has given human beings a free will.
I have seen all sorts of children rebel against God, parents, and society. But that can happen regardless of how much Harry Potter you let your kid read. Even if you are a "cool" parent who takes your kids to rock concerts and let them get drunk, they might still choose not to follow God. Yes, I realize that there is such a thing as over-sheltering children, and sometimes those kind rebel too. However, the simple fact is that these children do not truly belong to us. We must raise them the way God wants us to, in fear and trembling because they are His children, not ours. And we must trust Him to be the Author and the Finisher of their faith.
So what is a parent to do? Many people wiser than I have written on parenting. I will simply say that we must always view ourselves as stewards of someone else's treasured blessings. Jesus has given us these vulnerable little souls for a very brief season to raise for Him. We will answer to Him for each choice we make concerning them.
Look in His word to see what you should let them watch, read, listen to. Ask Him what kinds of places they should go, and whose authority they should be under. Find someone whose children you admire, who seem happy, and find out what they do. Have fun, make your home a wholesome, happy place, and love, love, love, these people. God means for them to be your best friends. Treat them as such!
First, I want to say that the whole comment is based on a faulty premise: that I am trying to shield my children from any and every harsher element of the real world, and that I actually believe I can protect them from everything that I do not want in their lives. I have no intention or desire to keep them from ever having difficulties. I let them make mistakes.
However, I want you to think long and hard about this, my reader friend. Your children have no one but you to give them a nurturing upbringing. If you do not give them a place to be who they are and learn who God made them to be, no one else will.
Even the most hands-off parents will protect their kids from something. I know this because your children are not out playing on the freeway right now. You know that some mistakes are just too costly to let them make. You have a God given desire to shield your child from things that will harm him. Certainly there is a time and place for young people to experience the hardships of life. It just happens that there is also a time and place for parents to teach right and wrong in an environment that will allow the child to practice choosing right.
I have a hard time digesting the fact that some people actually believe the second part of the comment they parrot. You need to let your child sample some of everything? Or even various good and bad things? Really? Is this what God tells us to do? I think not. He tells us not even to put our foot on the path of evil, because he knows our sinful tendency to stray. He tells us that before us is a choice between good and bad and then tells us to choose good!
So are we supposed to invite Satanists to our home in order to "let our children know what's out there?" What about pedophiles? I know, I'm being facetious. But we have to take it to the extremes sometimes to cause ourselves to think. Are there elements which we allow into our children's lives that can harm them just as much as these things? Perhaps not outwardly, but what about inwardly? There is much to sample in this world. Whatever we are giving our child samples of will determine their appetite. If you raise your children on candy and sodas, they will not normally choose to eat raw spinach. Rear them on horror movies, and that is what they will like. Give them the latest shallow pop CD, and they will absorb its words and rhythm into their hearts. Rent the latest God mocking movie filled with "adult themes", and you will have a young porn addict on your hands before you know it.
Parents, there is an alternative. More on that at the end.
The last part of this tired phrase really seems ironic to me. The people who believe in sampling everything often accuse more protective parents of living in fear. As in "you don't let your kids do this or that because you're afraid of....", fill in the blank.
However, listen to what is being said here. If you raise them in such a way that they don't get to follow certain inclinations they may have, then "they will rebel". Is the God we serve too demanding? No, he is not. He has high standards, but gives us grace in order that through His love we may accomplish what He has set before us. Is it not fear which is prompting the fear of possible future rebellion? God in His wisdom has given human beings a free will.
I have seen all sorts of children rebel against God, parents, and society. But that can happen regardless of how much Harry Potter you let your kid read. Even if you are a "cool" parent who takes your kids to rock concerts and let them get drunk, they might still choose not to follow God. Yes, I realize that there is such a thing as over-sheltering children, and sometimes those kind rebel too. However, the simple fact is that these children do not truly belong to us. We must raise them the way God wants us to, in fear and trembling because they are His children, not ours. And we must trust Him to be the Author and the Finisher of their faith.
So what is a parent to do? Many people wiser than I have written on parenting. I will simply say that we must always view ourselves as stewards of someone else's treasured blessings. Jesus has given us these vulnerable little souls for a very brief season to raise for Him. We will answer to Him for each choice we make concerning them.
Look in His word to see what you should let them watch, read, listen to. Ask Him what kinds of places they should go, and whose authority they should be under. Find someone whose children you admire, who seem happy, and find out what they do. Have fun, make your home a wholesome, happy place, and love, love, love, these people. God means for them to be your best friends. Treat them as such!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Why Homeschool?
I believe that most of the parents I know truly desire the best for their children. Sometimes the culture in which we live has so conditioned us not to think outside the box that we must ask ourselves some hard questions when deciding what the best is. What is best for my child? Who bears the responsibility for him? How will my choices affect her life? Is his daily environment one that nurtures him and makes him strong? Or is it a hostile environment that tears down the core of who he is as a person? What kind of child do I want to raise, and am I doing whatever it takes to do that?
When we become parents, we must acknowledge that we have become stewards of eternal human beings who belong to God Himself. We must not make our choices based on a simple personal preference or what the prevailing culture around us is doing. We must make each decision with the question in mind," What does God want me to do with this little person He gave to me, this person who is totally dependent on my good will and love?" We must be willing to sacrifice convenience, alone time, and so many other things, because these people we have been given the privilege of parenting desperately need a mommy and daddy who put them before their own selfish ambitions and ego.
Do our children belong to the state? Are they the government's children? Many people would have you think so. In universities across this country future public school teachers are cleverly fed this lie each day- day in and day out. Unless they have some very strong convictions to the contrary, they truly believe that by virtue of their superior education and training they know more about your child than you could ever hope to understand, and that because your child will grow up to be a part of the larger community (a little cog in the big machine), the ultimate responsibility is the state's. Social service workers believe that the state owns the children. If they do not like what you are doing in your home and are determined and clever enough, you will lose your children because of their belief. There are many other examples in our society today, but the growing movement of homeschooling is possibly turning the tide of this incorrect assumption.
I believe that the children belong not to the teacher or social worker or even you or me. The children belong to God. We do not get to simply choose how we want to educate them based on what we feel like doing. We must be thoughtful and yes, sometimes even brave and do the harder thing, which will ultimately yield the greater bounty. But we need to always keep in the forefront of our mind...we are just stewards. Does God care which educational system we place our children into? Yes, I believe that He does. Although He must direct each family individually, and I do not pretend to judge anyone else's choices about education, here are a few points to consider.
Schools operate like mass production factories. Individuality and quirky differences have no place in the classroom- how could they when Mrs. X has her hands full with 25 or so other individuals? The very first classroom management lesson taught in colleges is that you must train your class to function as one unit. When the students walk in the door the process begins: empty them of their own thoughts, fill them with the scientifically designed curriculum, tell them what they think but let them believe that they came up with it. John Taylor Gatto, New York Teacher of the year says this, "After you fall into the habit of accepting what other people tell you to think, you lose the power to think for yourself." Which suit had you rather wear given the choice, the mass produced one you can get at any chain store, or the one that is tailor made to fit you? Home education is designed to fit each child's needs, not form them all into the same mold.
Children are like little sponges. God has designed them to soak up not only knowledge, but attitudes, thought patterns and behaviors. The people that they are around day after day for many hours each day will be the ones who they look to for an example of how to act and what thoughts and behaviors are appropriate. This is not something that can be counteracted in the long run by a few hours each evening and weekend spent with the child. God has designed them this way on purpose so that they can learn and be properly socialized. He even tells us in his word: He who walks with the wise becomes wise, but a companion of fools comes to ruin. (Proverbs 13:20), and Do not be misled, bad company corrupts good character (I Corinthians 15:33). Are we really acting responsibly if we turn over our impressionable children to a system that cannot supervise most of the interaction between children? And teachers who we may or may not know? Is holding our breath and hoping for the best enough?
Now contrast this state-run institutional setting with the warmth of your home. Home. What a word that is! Doesn't it bring thoughts of smiling faces, hot meals, captivating stories and loving hugs to your mind? If it wasn't that way it was for you, it can be for your children. A little piece of Heaven on earth. Who knows your child better than you who got up with them that night they had that awful cough and couldn't breathe? Was that teacher there when that little show off figured out that by dancing around he would get so much applause and attention? What about when your teen was feeling so left out and unloved--no one else's heart hurt for her like yours. You have the God given power to affect these eternal souls with your love. Who better to educate them? Picture mild fall days when you drop everything and go for a hike, watching the squirrels get ready for winter, the leaves fall and listening to the crunch of acorns under your feet. When your seven year old asks you why there are seasons, you tell him. Isn't this education that nourishes the soul? Education that is relational is always preferable to that which is institutional. Now picture a not so rosy day, because those come too. Cold January with all its rain. The math is too hard and you realize your fourth grader never actually learned the multiplication tables by heart. Now he can't divide fractions. He is frustrated beyond belief and you have a headache and a teething one year old. You have the freedom to figure out where your son went wrong, take a few days off from regular math, and play fun math games to remediate. The rest of the class isn't moving on without him! Give the baby some Orajel and listen to that multiplication CD while you all dance around the living room!
Why have I chosen to embark upon this journey? Why homeschool when it would be "so much easier" just to send them to school? Why does our family make so many sacrifices to live this lifestyle? I homeschool because I love to be with my children. I love to be with them because I homeschool them. I homeschool them because I don't think it is beneficial to place little growing souls in an uncontrolled and often hostile environment while they are forming their lifelong views of who they are, who God is, and what this world around them is all about. I have seen inside the schools and teacher colleges and know the misconceptions that are fundamentally inherent to the system. I homeschool because God himself has given me responsibility for my children, and I know that no one else can do a better job of educating them. I have to answer to Him for how I raise His children. I homeschool them because people were never meant to be stuck inside a classroom with people their exact age for the better part of each day. That is the opposite of positive socialization. I want them to be free to roam, discover, create, debate and worship openly. I homeschool because I defy the fallacy of sending unformed and often unconverted and definitely unprepared children into a system which is diametrically opposed to Christ in order to "be salt and light to the world." They are best trained as young living epistles when they are by my side when we encounter a homeless young mother and are moved with compassion to help her. Even if we are simply encouraging that clerk at Wal-Mart who is near tears from a rude customer, we can always be training our children to spread the love of Jesus around. Who will be that example in the classroom? I homeschool because I love having the time for long conversations with my children. I love it when we read aloud from some classic that would be considered too hard in most schools and they beg "just one more chapter, please mom." Yes, there will come a day when the cold, hard reality of life hits them, and they are all alone in a hostile environment. And I do not shudder at that for them, because I know that by being nurtured during their formative years, and trained for this very situation, they will be sturdier and more prepared than if I had tossed them as seedlings into the elements.
When we become parents, we must acknowledge that we have become stewards of eternal human beings who belong to God Himself. We must not make our choices based on a simple personal preference or what the prevailing culture around us is doing. We must make each decision with the question in mind," What does God want me to do with this little person He gave to me, this person who is totally dependent on my good will and love?" We must be willing to sacrifice convenience, alone time, and so many other things, because these people we have been given the privilege of parenting desperately need a mommy and daddy who put them before their own selfish ambitions and ego.
Do our children belong to the state? Are they the government's children? Many people would have you think so. In universities across this country future public school teachers are cleverly fed this lie each day- day in and day out. Unless they have some very strong convictions to the contrary, they truly believe that by virtue of their superior education and training they know more about your child than you could ever hope to understand, and that because your child will grow up to be a part of the larger community (a little cog in the big machine), the ultimate responsibility is the state's. Social service workers believe that the state owns the children. If they do not like what you are doing in your home and are determined and clever enough, you will lose your children because of their belief. There are many other examples in our society today, but the growing movement of homeschooling is possibly turning the tide of this incorrect assumption.
I believe that the children belong not to the teacher or social worker or even you or me. The children belong to God. We do not get to simply choose how we want to educate them based on what we feel like doing. We must be thoughtful and yes, sometimes even brave and do the harder thing, which will ultimately yield the greater bounty. But we need to always keep in the forefront of our mind...we are just stewards. Does God care which educational system we place our children into? Yes, I believe that He does. Although He must direct each family individually, and I do not pretend to judge anyone else's choices about education, here are a few points to consider.
Schools operate like mass production factories. Individuality and quirky differences have no place in the classroom- how could they when Mrs. X has her hands full with 25 or so other individuals? The very first classroom management lesson taught in colleges is that you must train your class to function as one unit. When the students walk in the door the process begins: empty them of their own thoughts, fill them with the scientifically designed curriculum, tell them what they think but let them believe that they came up with it. John Taylor Gatto, New York Teacher of the year says this, "After you fall into the habit of accepting what other people tell you to think, you lose the power to think for yourself." Which suit had you rather wear given the choice, the mass produced one you can get at any chain store, or the one that is tailor made to fit you? Home education is designed to fit each child's needs, not form them all into the same mold.
Children are like little sponges. God has designed them to soak up not only knowledge, but attitudes, thought patterns and behaviors. The people that they are around day after day for many hours each day will be the ones who they look to for an example of how to act and what thoughts and behaviors are appropriate. This is not something that can be counteracted in the long run by a few hours each evening and weekend spent with the child. God has designed them this way on purpose so that they can learn and be properly socialized. He even tells us in his word: He who walks with the wise becomes wise, but a companion of fools comes to ruin. (Proverbs 13:20), and Do not be misled, bad company corrupts good character (I Corinthians 15:33). Are we really acting responsibly if we turn over our impressionable children to a system that cannot supervise most of the interaction between children? And teachers who we may or may not know? Is holding our breath and hoping for the best enough?
Now contrast this state-run institutional setting with the warmth of your home. Home. What a word that is! Doesn't it bring thoughts of smiling faces, hot meals, captivating stories and loving hugs to your mind? If it wasn't that way it was for you, it can be for your children. A little piece of Heaven on earth. Who knows your child better than you who got up with them that night they had that awful cough and couldn't breathe? Was that teacher there when that little show off figured out that by dancing around he would get so much applause and attention? What about when your teen was feeling so left out and unloved--no one else's heart hurt for her like yours. You have the God given power to affect these eternal souls with your love. Who better to educate them? Picture mild fall days when you drop everything and go for a hike, watching the squirrels get ready for winter, the leaves fall and listening to the crunch of acorns under your feet. When your seven year old asks you why there are seasons, you tell him. Isn't this education that nourishes the soul? Education that is relational is always preferable to that which is institutional. Now picture a not so rosy day, because those come too. Cold January with all its rain. The math is too hard and you realize your fourth grader never actually learned the multiplication tables by heart. Now he can't divide fractions. He is frustrated beyond belief and you have a headache and a teething one year old. You have the freedom to figure out where your son went wrong, take a few days off from regular math, and play fun math games to remediate. The rest of the class isn't moving on without him! Give the baby some Orajel and listen to that multiplication CD while you all dance around the living room!
Why have I chosen to embark upon this journey? Why homeschool when it would be "so much easier" just to send them to school? Why does our family make so many sacrifices to live this lifestyle? I homeschool because I love to be with my children. I love to be with them because I homeschool them. I homeschool them because I don't think it is beneficial to place little growing souls in an uncontrolled and often hostile environment while they are forming their lifelong views of who they are, who God is, and what this world around them is all about. I have seen inside the schools and teacher colleges and know the misconceptions that are fundamentally inherent to the system. I homeschool because God himself has given me responsibility for my children, and I know that no one else can do a better job of educating them. I have to answer to Him for how I raise His children. I homeschool them because people were never meant to be stuck inside a classroom with people their exact age for the better part of each day. That is the opposite of positive socialization. I want them to be free to roam, discover, create, debate and worship openly. I homeschool because I defy the fallacy of sending unformed and often unconverted and definitely unprepared children into a system which is diametrically opposed to Christ in order to "be salt and light to the world." They are best trained as young living epistles when they are by my side when we encounter a homeless young mother and are moved with compassion to help her. Even if we are simply encouraging that clerk at Wal-Mart who is near tears from a rude customer, we can always be training our children to spread the love of Jesus around. Who will be that example in the classroom? I homeschool because I love having the time for long conversations with my children. I love it when we read aloud from some classic that would be considered too hard in most schools and they beg "just one more chapter, please mom." Yes, there will come a day when the cold, hard reality of life hits them, and they are all alone in a hostile environment. And I do not shudder at that for them, because I know that by being nurtured during their formative years, and trained for this very situation, they will be sturdier and more prepared than if I had tossed them as seedlings into the elements.
Welcome
I would like to start out by welcoming you, reader. I will be posting here and there, as I get time, so grab a nice cup of tea and join me. I want to make this disclaimer about the content you may find here. What you will find here are my opinions and beliefs. If they are different from yours, or if they make you angry, I encourage you to deliberate on why. I find that a friendly voice which sometimes disagrees with me makes me think about why I hold the convictions I do. So enjoy.
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